The Writing

I sit on my brother's bed, inspiration running its usual course, and find my positive thoughts have failed me. Situations have gotten no better, but i still want to think they will. I still want to say they will. I still want to think with that warmth that others carry so easily. But maybe it isn't my thing, but i still try.

Yea, this is a new layout. I felt it was time for a change, and after a few hours of struggle, I came to this. I titled it "Walk the Walk", as if to say that to know me, you need to experience me. And I try to evoke that experience through writing. On some days, it seems easier than others. I realize my writing has its own turn of ups and downs. but here i go again.

Sometimes I question my own writing. As if to ask why i need this blog. Why i need this public space, this attention that i yearn for. But I know the answer, I always knew the answer. I want someone to listen. To listen to what I have to say, and tell me it will be okay. I need someone to listen to my ups and downs and tell me that it will be okay. I need someone to listen to me complain and tell me it will be okay. To tell me...everything is going to be okay. And yet i feel that missing in my life. I feel that voice gone at the moment, and I see myself losing the people that I once held dear. But you know what...everything will be okay.

I need someone to care for me. To care for what I have to say. To care for what i have to write. To care for my well-being. I seek more than just attention, I seek care. Care. Like that teddy bear I once held. Care like how I care for my brother. Care like how I care for my friends, but they don't know that, we hardly talk anymore, any one of us. And its saddening. But you know what...everything will be okay.

I want someone to know me. Know me for me. Know me and accept me. Know me and love me. Like how my parents do, like how my family does. I need someone to know that I'm not always going to be happy, that I'm not always going to want to talk, that I'm trying hard to be my own person, to be a happy person. I want someone to know when i care for them, and I don't want to lose them, then maybe they won't drift from me. I want someone to know how sensitive i am and how quickly they might hurt me. hurt me. hurt...me...But you know what...everything will be okay.

Everything will be okay, Alex...Trust Me.