Frustration.
The very feeling of rising anger. the overwhelming weight of the world. Fracture in you heart. soul. being.
Envy.
The roots. Foundation. Basis. from which anger emanates from to reach its peak. A sturdy groundwork that keeps on growing, expanding, giving way to higher peaks. higher mountains of emotion. of temper. of rage.
Anger.
Its resignation in me. Instinctive. Its very prominence over logic. Its ability to take control. take action. defy morals. define me.
Rage.
Endless, in fire, in the excluded, in me. The rage. the pain. the voice.
Selfishness.
Me. just me. my life. everything. anything? me. me. me.
Dishonesty.
benevolent intentions. selfless intentions. lies. lies. lies. Closed book. Closed mind. Closed me.
Karma.
Balance and all the it entitles. Balance and all it explains. Natural integrity, equality, patience.
Silence.
Self thought. reflection. esteem. the hiding of feelings, emotions, of needs, of passionate anger.
Limits.
The very borders that circumscribe me. Limitations. Laws. Rules. Boundaries. The pressure holding everything back. The logic that keeps me quiet. The right from wrong. The only thing allowing me to write instead of break. speak instead of yell. silence instead of rage.
Words.
Because I don't.
Me.
The person. The writer. The student. The son. The brother. The expectation. The rise. The fall. The emotions. The issues. problems. The endless...
Yourself...
Do you understand emptiness.
A note: you may never read this note how i intend it to be read. And that's fine. The feelings i seek to evoke are far beyond my own understanding. and if you thought you understood it in one reading, then you are better than I'll ever be, for i cannot explore the depths of my words even as i write them.
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4 comments:
Do you truly understand emptiness? Emptiness can only truly be described by an experience. When I was in middle school, I had no friends, and I was constantly pressured to do the best, to achieve higher than anybody. I felt so alone, I felt that nobody would care if I disappeared. I used to feel the anger, and fought with my siblings. I used to be dishonest, and selfish, not even caring about myself at times. You have some of the best friends in the world, when I have yet to truly experience a best friend. When I got to high school, I knew I had to change, to make friends to help me. That’s why we have friends, to help us through hard times, right? But, don’t empty your emotions, control them. Why envy, when others are jealous of you? Why break, when life is so beautiful? Why angry, when you seek peace? Why selfishness, when there are others that need help? Why dishonesty and silence, when your friends want to help you? Why fall, if others are here to lift you up? Why the limits, when there are records to be broken? You limit yourself, with emotions, excuses, and anger. Why why why, only you can answer these questions. You are defined by your experiences, and the trials you face. Sometimes you need help. That’s what friends and family are for. But you can’t get help if you aren’t honest. You go through experiences, and they test you. The world is here to test you. Test you and your emotions, to tell you who you truly are. To show how strong you are, through everything you face. An experience is one of many, that will test you, come close to breaking you, and hurt you, but stay strong. Everybody has their hard times, and I wanted to share a few with you. Find something that you love doing, be it a hobby, game, hanging out with friends, etc. I hope this has helped you! :D. Well, if your post was supposed to inspire me to write something, it sure did.
Wow, that sure is deep.
alex. it sounds like your hurting a lot on the inside. like youre carrying a heavy burden with you all the time? idk. correct me if im wrong. i know that sometimes i get to be full of rage, apathy, pain, confusion, and other emotions. but like the song that plays on your blogspot, im reminded that even though im weak and unworthy, my strength is found in someone not of this world, my joy in someone far greater than just good friends.
Just last week, i did miserably on my finals and i was thrown into a fit. but after my initial sorry and anger, it was revealed to me that i had lost sight of what was truly important and that i lived for something far greater than just performing well in academics.
so anyways, hope i encouraged you a bit. praying for you.
-stephen
Why do we fall? So we can pick ourselves up again... for without these powerful dark feelings... you will probably never understand and appreciate pure and simple happiness for what it's worth :D
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