The Writing

A day, just like any other day. A single slot in time. Nothing

A bad day.
When no one seems to realize you don't feel quite right. That every single gesture you do is out of lack of sleep, out of being tired, out of hatred for school. And yet, it's not. It never is. Those who are close know how you feel, and probe through your darkness to find the source of your pain. And they are shunned out. Like any stranger. Like any person. And those who don't know you, give you a hard time. Scrutinize your life, like it mattered what they said. Like you take in what they said. And yet you did. and you took it a little more deeply, a little more darkly, a little more stolidly. And it replays in your head and you let it tear your very inner being limb from limb.

You say nothing is wrong, but you know you are lying. On the inside, everything feels wrong. and you don't quite know why. and your body language suggests you want to be alone, your slight utterances say everything is good, and your inside's screaming for attention. It's crying, crying out loud, with no one to hear. with no one to acknowledge its need.

Cry, cry, cry to no extent.

You are hurt, bleeding. dying. and you ask how you got this way?

You let something in. You let someone in. And she ravaged your very being. she tore you apart. she killed you. And you go into a state of survival, in which you shut her out. and she , as if it is not her fault at all, questions your actions. She questions why you would do such a thing. and you know it is for your own good. She acts as if it is your sole fault, your sole overreaction. and you don't blame yourself. you blame her. you blame her for everything she's done to you.

All you ever asked was to be left alone. Left to ponder in your own thoughts; she couldn't leave it it at that. she had to pursue the problem. She had to try and find out. If not from you, from your friend, and your other friend, and your other friend. You obviously want nothing to do with her any longer, and she persists. She does what she never used to do. And to what purpose? To annoy you? To make you mad?

You never knew her. She means nothing to you now.

No one should know so.
No one should feel so.

It is all too uncertain, where this path leads. I find extreme contempt and fast sprouting malice in my soul.

Anger.
radiates from my very skin to those around me. They feel it. Its no secret. Anger for many things. For no one ever taking responsibility. Responsibility for a task, a project, a paper, responsibility for causing pain. Its all the same. I am almost in this alone.

It stings.
Stings where it hurts most

I can't pretend I don't feel anger. I can't hear that she doesn't know what she's done.

Trust.
You can't trust people. People lie to your very face every day. you seek honesty, but you in yourself have no honesty. You lie to yourself, you over look flaws. You should never have done so. You could have seen it coming.

Resolution.
Slow approaching.

meaningful? for no one